Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
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Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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