if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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