There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
