my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
