I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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