What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
