worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
