Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
