I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
