Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
They took my balls.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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