She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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