does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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