mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize