I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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