just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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