even my farts smell like vagina
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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