my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
