She is in my trunk
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
