i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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