one two three fourrrrnication!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
