halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
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Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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