so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
