Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
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I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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