You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You're like the curious george of whores
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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