Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
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She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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