sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
