i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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