he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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