I am spending my child support on dildos
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
