You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
