good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
