Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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