You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
