You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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