You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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