yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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