new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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