I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We need to rekindle our bromance
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
