He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
