i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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