My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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