You work out of a Hotel?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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