im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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