we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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