Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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