im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
