Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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