i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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