She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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