speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
