I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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