she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
