I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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