everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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