I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
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