Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
