I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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