im drinking this country out of the recession.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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